What is it like hitting an infinite wall?

Amidst angst and agony,
Earnestly awaiting an epiphany,

A penchant for purpose,
A craving for closure,

Bewildered by betrayal,
Wondering what is real,

Meandering for meaning,
Searching for solace,

Tired of veneer and verbosity,
No inkling of ingress into insanity,

No love, only lies,
Disdain for disguise,

Grim grip towards the grave,
Riddled with nothing but rave,

Haunted by hatred,
Vindicated by vitriol,

Fervent feelings flaming to futility,
Tamed and tantalized beyond tranquility,

Knit with kinks,
Lingering with lament,

Dwindling in despair,
Craving for care,

Nights of feeling nigh nothingness,
Pushed perniciously to perilousness,

Enough of silent screams,
Enough of trembling tears,

In jeopardy of self jolly and jest,
Reeling and rumbling in unrest,

Learning to lurk in the dark,
Summoning a self that’s stark,

With a vengeance for vulnerability,
Riveting a retort to reality,

Rising for a revert to reverence,
On a queer quest for quintessence.